Create Your Dynamic Support System with Maureen Ross Gemme

With me again today is Maureen Ross Gemme, ex-corporate girl, motorcycle adventurer, speaker, coach, leadership trainer and grandmother who is also an alcoholic and drug addict in Recovery since 1985.

Maureen Ross Gemme shared her story of getting sober and trying to figure out her identity and purpose in life. She realized that people need to learn how to manage their inner voice and created the Emerge Leadership Academy to do just that. There are six common strategies of the inner negative voice that people should be aware of. These include saying you can't and telling you that you don't have enough experience or education to do something. It is important to recognize this voice and learn how to manage it so that you can become the best version of yourself.

Maureen has a leadership type quiz on her website as well as links to her podcast, Emerge, Evolve, Lead: https://emergeleadershipacademy.com/
Connect with Maureen on:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/emergentleadership/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/emergeleadership/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCArtSJlSvO4SkATXyZkUJ7w?view_as=subscriber

DoTERRA Wellness Advocate
At Wholistic Natural Health Australia, we often recommend the use of high quality essential oils.

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.

Transcript

Magic Barclay: 0:59

Welcome back to a Magical Life. I'm your host, magic Barclay. And today, Maureen Ross Gem is back to talk all things creating a dynamic inner support system. Welcome back, Maureen.

Maureen Ross Gemme: 1:13

Thank you. Magic. I'm happy to be back.

Magic Barclay: 1:16

Now, in our last episode, we covered all of our regular questions, but this one we're really talking about what people talk about is that inner voice. So we're going to take a positive spin. Can you explain how you came up with inner support system?

Maureen Ross Gemme: 1:39

Well, it's, it's kind of interesting. I think, you know, there's so many people struggling today with what we call the imposter syndrome, and there's so many professionals that get into, uh, high paying jobs and then suddenly they have to give a presentation and they're like, oh my gosh, what if they find out I'm really, you know, a fraud? Or they start their own business and they're becoming more of who they wanna be in the world and providing this incredible service. But still, there's a voice inside that tells us we're not good enough. Everybody you see has Two human fears. We're kind of all born this way unless you're a psychopath, in which case you're probably not gonna be listening to this podcast so But for 98% of us, we have an ego and we have an inner critic, an inner voice that tells us we're not good enough. Cuz when we're born, these two fears that we very, very early in life like R, like at one and two years old is the fear that we're not enough or that we're not pleasing mom and daddy enough, or that we are not going to be liked or loved, right? That fear of not being accepted and those two fears, they tend to follow us throughout our entire life, and they have the underlying fears that guide a lot of our behavior. Okay. So as we continue to grow up and become even conscious that we even have these fears by learning more about yourself. I really got sober at 24, right? So I'm trying to figure out who I am as a sober person, who I am gonna be in life, what do I really have to give to a job, a boss, a team, a, a family, and that sort of thing. And, I learned a lot about my inner voice because I became much more consciously aware of how I was speaking to myself. So years later, after I got out of my corporate job, cuz I didn't really, you know, I wasn't developing this stuff all along. But 10 years ago when I got out of that, I started my own business, emerge Leadership Academy, and I decided people need a little course. On the voice, how to manage that voice because like I say, you know, world peace starts with inner peace. Well, leadership starts with inner leadership. We really need to learn to get a, handle on that voice so that we can become all that we can be. Because not shining our light is not helpful for. right? So we wanna step up and do that. So that's when I created sort of this, internal leadership how to create a, positive, inner support system for yourself, otherwise known as, like managing that, that inner critic or that critical inner voice. So there's six common strategies of the voice and a five step process to manage the voice.

Magic Barclay: 4:39

So what are some of those steps that people can do? Because we all have that inner voice, and as you said when we were discussing off air, Everyone kind of talks about it as a negative thing, whether it be through imposter syndrome or or what have you, but that inner voice can also be your guiding light and your savior. So how do you really nurture that in those positive ways?

Maureen Ross Gemme: 5:07

I think magic that there are two voices. There's really probably more, but I look at it this way, if it's negative, it's not your inner guidance system. It's not your intuition unless it's trying to keep you safe, in which case, right, we do sometimes have those fear receptors that say, our intuition says, Don't get in that car right now. Don't do it You know, and you know better and you go and do it anyway. Right? We all have this inner knowing sometimes that when things are not, As they should be when we, we shouldn't be trusting somebody maybe that we are trusting, right? But I'm talking about that voice that stops you. So why don't I share the six common strategies of that negative voice. I call it the ego or the little devil on your shoulder. I call it the, inner critic. There's a lot of different. Words for it, but I think you'll recognize it right away when I go through these six common strategies. So the first way that the voice shows up is it says you can't. Right? So maybe I see. A job on the board and I get all excited, oh my gosh, that looks really That's something I'm gonna go for. And then my inner voice kicks in. Oh, you can't go for that. You don't have all the experience that they're wanting, or you don't have the level of education that they're requesting. Like you, you can't, you can't do that. And that inner voice that stops us from doing things is really, I'm going to just go off, the strategies for a moment say it's really trying to keep you safe. So it it has what it. Thinks is your best interest in mind is trying to keep you safe. But what happens when we stay safe is we stay small. We don't take any risks, we don't get out of our comfort zone, and we end up with a sad sort of, immobile kind of life where we're never doing anything or going anywhere because we are always hearing you can't do that or you shouldn't do that, and you end. You know, not doing it, not following through because of your fear. Either your fear that you might not get the job, you have to face disappointment or that somebody isn't gonna like you or they're gonna be critical of you. And so we try to, Manage other people's perceptions of us, and it's just ridiculous. Okay. So you can't, that's the first one. The second one is it says, oh, you should do this, or you ought to do that, or you must do this. You know, like you ought to create. Make those cupcakes for, you know, your son's whatever at school, because every, you haven't done it in a long time and everybody expects it of you or whatever. Or you really should go help your friend move for the 18th fricking time when you get like tired of constantly going out and doing things just to make people like you. You see how that works? So it tells you you should do this, or you ought to do that, even though it's not at all what you wanna do, or it's very inconvenient. Okay? Number three, strategy of the voice. It tells you you need something. Now this is the voice of the addict for sure. Like I say, well, you know what? I am gonna go back on the no sugar. I'm gonna just stop eating for a while and I'm gonna just ignore the big jar of m and ms on my boss's desk, and I go back to my work and I'm really confident for a day or two, and then suddenly outta the blue, one afternoon at two o'clock, the voice just, just jumps right in and says, you need some M&Ms right now. And you're like, uh, no. Oh my gosh. Where did that come from? No, I don't need any. Yes, yes. You need them. You need them. You need them. You nee and it doesn't let up. It just barrages you. Do you know what I'm talking about? Magic? Are you with me?

Magic Barclay: 9:26

100%. That voice, it's just so annoying, isn't it?

Maureen Ross Gemme: 9:31

Indeed it is, and sometimes it's a lot to break the habit of that voice. I'll tell you how in a minute. Okay? The fourth way that this. Voice shows up is it says you don't deserve something. Mm-hmm. So, for example, you've participated, you've led this team and you've got the job done, you got it done under budget and on time, and, and then somebody singles you out for an award and you think to yourself, This was a team effort. Like it wasn't just me. Like, I don't want, you don't deserve this, or maybe you don't deserve it, because it was too easy, because I didn't have to struggle too hard to get what I got, and things just came to me and now I call them. They're just gifts from the universe. And yes, you can accept that award because probably without your leadership, maybe the, the team would not have reached their goals. And then when you accept the award, you give everybody the credit and you do reward and recognize the people that are on your team. But the truth is, the more you tell yourself you don't deserve something, some gift that is given to you is sort of like, It doesn't feel good when I give somebody a gift and they say, oh, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not taking that. Like it doesn't feel good as the giver. And so as the receiver, we need to learn to receive and quiet down that voice in our mind that says you don't deserve it, or you shouldn't have this for some reason, or, It's not, it's not good. And it erodes your self-confidence and your self-esteem. That voice that is constantly saying, you're not enough. You don't really deserve it. So a, a really good way to combat that one is just to counteract it with the belief, I am enough. I am smart enough, fast enough, young enough, pretty enough, intelligent enough. I, I, I'm enough. You don't even have to have a word that you put in there, you know, but you can fill in the blank. you just tell yourself you are enough when your voice suddenly chimes in and says you're not. All right. The fifth way that the voice shows up is what I call how it turns fantasy into reality, and you assume that something's going to happen and you make up this story in your head, and then you don't even move forward. So, for example, I'm gonna give you an example in, in regards to dieting. Okay? I know that I don't like, uh, how these pants feel on me. So I'm, I'm done. I'm gonna stop eating popcorn at night and I'm gonna stop eating, you know, anything past five o'clock. I'm gonna do some. You know, intermittent fasting, something like this, and then the voice shows up and says, oh yeah, well, you know how that's gonna go. You're just gonna stop for like a week and then you're gonna have a slip, and then you're just gonna get right back into your old pattern. So why even try? Why even go there to begin with? You already see yourself as failing, and so you just don't even try. And that it stops us more times than you'd think. It stops us from going on dates and meeting incredible people because we might think, well, I don't, I don't really think, or it probably won't go well, so I might as well not even. I probably won't get the job, so I might as well not even try for it, and it stops us. So that's the fantasy into reality, and it's just crazy, crazy talk. All right, the sixth and the last one is, How our inner voice sometimes creates anxiety and panic attacks for us. So if you were an audience in front of me right now, I'd ask you if you ever had a panic attack and see how many people raise their hand. Almost everybody in the audience usually raises their hand. A lot of people, like more than 75% raise their hand. They tentatively look around first Some people's hands shoot right up. But the thing. Anxiety. It starts with the voice in your head. and it feels like it starts in your body now. And I, I wanna caveat this to say there are some people who do have anxiety disorders, and I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about, okay, I'm going into work today and I have an interview and I have a lot of anxiety, or I'm gotta go to this networking event, and I say, you're an introvert and you don't really wanna go, but you're sort of being forced to go. And so you're thinking about it all day long and. These are the, the voices, the stories that play in our mind. It's suddenly you realize that you're really nervous about it and you have this anxiety or you have to give a presentation, whatever it is, right? It's the stuff that we deal with in our everyday life, but that we don't wanna have to do, and we feel the anxiety and the voice says. Oh man, you have a lot of anxiety and you're like, oh yeah. You start feeling it in your body and, and then it gets worse because you're focusing on it and pretty soon your voice is like, wow, this is getting really bad. There is no way you should go to this event tonight. You are having an all out panic attack. You're freaking out. You gotta get outta here. Like run, run. And it's asking you to just leave the meeting or don't walk out on stage and you're sweating and you. We create these like panics in our mind because of how we talk to ourself, because of how we focus on what's wrong or what's bad. And that can create, uh, panic attacks. So, That's how that voice doesn't serve you. That's how that voice shows up and can be a real pain in the butt. Any, uh, comments or questions before I tell you the five step process to manage the voice? No. Tell us more. Okay. So it's important to, first, the very first step is, Decide what it is that you really wanna do. You wanna run a marathon? You wanna lose 20 pounds? Do you want to get a new, exciting job? What do you want? And. Then that decision means that you are gonna go up against yourself, which is the biggest obstacle you're gonna go up against that voice that's going to try to stop you, When times get tough, it's gonna try to stop you. So number one is decide. Decide what it is you want. Number two is the first time that voice comes into your head and says, I can't. Or you can't, or you need, or you should or you don't have to prove anything. You don't have to do this. That's when you recognize that it is your voice. What I say about recognizing it, it's also name it. Magic. I want you to think about this cause I'm gonna ask you after, if you were going to name your inner voice, what would you name it? I named my inner voice, Grinnell my inner critic Grinnell, who is the evil twin stepsister of Cinderella. just so you know. And so I could laugh at her, but re. Okay. Grinnell, I see you over there. No, I'm not gonna let you mess with my head right now, or thank you for sharing. Please be quiet, right? I don't have to say Get outta my head. Leave me alone. I don't have to get mad. I just need to. Uh, to recognize it and then dismiss it. So that's the third step. You dismiss the voice. You are not going to negotiate. This is the thing if you allow yourself to negotiate. It's like allowing yourself to negotiate with a five-year-old who wants to eat before dinner. Like an ice cream pops. or something. Right? And, and they say, ma, you know, I want that. I want the lollipop. I want it, I want, and you say, No, that's the end of the story. You don't keep saying, well, geez, maybe if they ask me on the fifth trial, I'll give in you don't do that. You don't give in, you don't let'em go play out in the street. If there's a lot of traffic going around, no, you're gonna protect, right? So you gotta treat that voice a little bit like that five year old that's inside of you and say, no, there's no negoti. The fourth step is a little bit of a combination. One, I would say, four means setbacks mean nothing. If you do give in, you need to start again. You need to be able to practice, you need to have compassion with yourself. And I mean that in a, in a really. Strong way. That's why I say you need, you need to have compassion for yourself cuz we do fail. We are humans. We do get, overrun sometimes by our, our inner voice and we have to practice so you will get stronger. It's just like when you go to the gym, you gotta. Practice lifting weights. At first, you can only press five pounds, then you get to eight and then to 10. You can't just go in there once and do 20 pounds and think you're gonna build up your muscles. It takes time. Okay? So four is setbacks, mean nothing and just have compassion with yourself. But if the voice doesn't stop, if you dismiss it and it keeps on badgering you, then you have to refocus your attention, which is step five and take action. So refocusing your attention means, okay, I cannot continue to sit here because all I can think about is m and ms. So I've gotta get up and go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go get myself a drink of. or I'm gonna take a brisk walk around the block, or I'm going to pick up the phone and call a friend. Who knows? I'm trying to get over m and ms and they're gonna support me. They're gonna tell me, no, no, no. You don't need that stuff. And that's why the 12 Step program is so successful because people have support groups. So you gotta get yourself support group and support yourself so that even if you do have a setback, you. Reci again, recognize it again, dismiss it again, and continue to refocusing your attention on what it is you do want. So if you are running a marathon and your voice is telling you, this is too hard, this is too hard, you say, thank you for sharing, please be quiet, and you just move on and you keep on going towards your dreams because if you don't, nobody else will. You have to decide. Plan for what you need to do and then take baby steps every day towards your dreams. That's what taking action is really all about. Don't let that inner voice, trip you up, but the more aware you are of how it shows up. What shows up for you and what triggers you, then the easier it will be for you to overcome that obstacle when it's time. And once you start accomplishing and reaching your goals, it feels so, so, so good. There's just nothing else like celebrating a win. Right. Magic.

Magic Barclay: 21:08

I love that. So I'm gonna tell that to Gwen, who is. Not so nice in

Maureen Ross Gemme: 21:14

inner voice. See, I knew. Yeah, we know. We know what their name are. Oh,

Magic Barclay: 21:19

totally. And I will talk to Gwen about all of that. Now, you've shared so much fantastic information, so I really want the listeners to go look you up on Facebook at Emergent Leadership Instagram, emerge Leadership, LinkedIn, Maureen Ross, gem, and over to your website. Emerge leadership academy.com. Thank you so much for these couple of episodes. It's just been so much wisdom shared. I I really love it. Thank you.

Maureen Ross Gemme: 21:49

Oh, you're very, very welcome. Thank you so much for having me on. And

Magic Barclay: 21:53

listeners, thank you for your time. This was your episode 1 77 in 1 78. We have Kathleen Figan joining us and that will. A very fun episode as well, but for now, go forth and create your magical life.