Tara Galeano, founder of Rediscovering My Body and Boulder Sex Therapy, is an Author, Retreat Host, Speaker, and Sex Therapist who has worked with women for over two decades to get their sexy back.
She knows that there is pleasure in the body, beyond our wildest dreams, and every woman can access it. In “Rediscovering My Body”, Tara teaches women how to show up for pleasure in their lives. She rediscovered her own body after leaving her twenty-five-year marriage. Realizing that she had given so much of herself away, she knew that she needed to come back to the inherent wisdom of the body. Through reconnecting with her body, Tara was able to know what was true for her, how best to proceed from this wisdom, what was true pleasure, and most importantly, how to teach these lessons to other women who are clamoring for the same truths so that they too can transform their lives and reclaim their sensuality. Now Tara has embodied this path and is moving forward to share this with women everywhere with her book, her online courses, and community, and her retreats. She lives in San Francisco with her soul sister and is learning how to live more fully in her nomadic heart.
In part 2 of our conversation, Tara and I will talk about intimacy and how it relates to all relationships - not only sexual relationships. Culturally, it's sort of taboo to talk about pleasure, but being able to talk about and claim your pleasure is a great way to connect with like-minded people.
Welcome back to a Magical Life. I'm your host, magic Barclay, and today joined by author Tara Galliano, who has worked with women for over two decades to get their sexy back. Welcome back, Tara.
Tara Galeano:
so much, magic. It's a pleasure to be here. Now
Magic Barclay:
listeners, we are talking about s e x. Disclaimer, please don't feel uncomfortable. Please do keep an open mind for this episode. Tara, let's talk about. Intimacy in relationships and how to increase it, but let's also not leave out the people that might be creating new relationships at whatever point in life they are.
Tara Galeano:
Sure, absolutely. I, I like to be as inclusive as I can be in my conversations around sex and sexuality and how to increase intimacy because I think that we're all very different and that the variations of human sexuality are. Vast. I'm always amazed at how different we are, and as I said in our last episode, that what I find is that as we mature, there is a greater desire for deeper levels of intimacy. And what I also know is that it is foundational to begin that intimacy with ourselves. Is that we can't really successfully cultivate it with another if we don't know how to be intimate with ourselves. And that is on all levels, emotional, psychological, spiritual, sexual, physical. And so creating more intimacy, I would say comes down to the three pillars, is what I kind of have encoded that information in his body, wisdom, desire, and pleasure, and. Body wisdom is coming into the inherent wisdom in the body that when we're able to have a better sense of what feels pleasurable for ourselves, then we're able to better describe that to another. And it doesn't matter whether that person is somebody new. To us or somebody that we've been on this planet for a long time with is that sometimes there's opportunity to explore experiences with new eyes, which give a fresh perspective. again, because we're dynamic beings and we've gone through many different experiences in a lifetime, and what is true today for us may not have been true. 10, 20 years ago. But we get to name that today based upon what is true for us and our bodies. And I think that is really important. And then to be able to speak what we've identified, which is true for us, is also really powerful. And sometimes what defined is that we don't have the words, and that we can feel shy or we could feel afraid to say what it is that we really desire. What really brings us pleasure. Sexually or otherwise. And the opportunity is to begin to share that. And what that does when we identify our pleasure and then we begin to speak it, is it ultimately creates more intimacy in the relationship. And that is a really powerful process. So again, I invite you to identify what's true for you by looking and observing what. You notice in your body and then beginning to speak that pleasure out loud. And then the third thing is to notice how the intimacy begins to shift in your relationship because you're being more vulnerable
Magic Barclay:
now. Something that many people find with a partner is maybe there. Sexual appetite is different. So how do you encourage people to have those discussions? You know, those really open and frank discussions of this is what I
Tara Galeano:
need. Great. I think that's a brilliant place to be when you can actually openly say what it is that you desire. And oftentimes what I find is that when we approach the conversation, We're reducing it to frequency. So I'd like to have intercourse two or three times a week and people might just say, I'd like to have sex two or three times a week. Great. And what I often find is that if there is an incompatibility in one of the partners saying, no, I don't wanna do that, or I don't know about that, which is also a no, um, then they need to negotiate that and. It is great to say no. I really encourage people to say no, because when you're really clear with your no, then your yes is that much more powerful. And oftentimes the person who is initiating what they think is intercourse actually wants intimacy, and they're satisfied with other ways of being intimate that are not just. Intercourse. And what I find is that because we are vast human beings with vastly different experiences and histories when it comes to sex and sexuality, that we can negotiate this in a very loving manner because we can say, I actually wanna be affectionate with you, or I actually wanna just hold you, or I actually wanna have this emotional connection to you. And that that would be really satisfying. And so I think that when we reduce sex down to penile vaginal penetration, I hope that's okay to say. But when we reduce it just to that we're leaving off the table, all the other ways to be intimate and loving with our partner. And that those are really appropriate to say, no, I don't wanna have intercourse with you, but I will hold you. Or I would stroke your head, or I would gaze lovingly into your eyes, which can feel really good on so many levels and actually quite intimate, and wanna invite couples to try those practices of looking into each other's eyes. It actually can create, creates some discomfort, um, which is a different level of intimacy of really being
Magic Barclay:
seen. I think that's key to really be seen for who you are for the, the energy that you have, you know, the inner energy for the sexual energy. But just being appreciated. I think that's probably the first step to intimacy and just that enough, That might just be enough sometimes.
Tara Galeano:
Correct? I, I think that is huge and I think, and what I know is so many people crave. Just that. And because they don't have a sophistication or a savviness with their own sexuality, they imagine that the only way to have that intimacy is through a sexual act, which may or may not be true and. What I like to advise couples is to begin to try different things to see how they experience that sense of intimacy with their beloved, because it is not always exclusive to intercourse.
Magic Barclay:
Well, we've touched on a lot with this subject and. I really just wanna open the floor to you now, Tara, what is something that we haven't covered that maybe you think the listeners might need to hear today?
Tara Galeano:
this topic is a huge one for me, which is a big piece of what I do as a sex therapist and a sexual empowerment coach, is I educate people. What I find is that either. Direct experience of pornography or indirect experience. Pornography, which is a form of entertainment, has filled in what people know about sex and sexuality. So there is not a comprehensive, healthy, holistic education that many of us receive about sex and sexuality. And so what it is, Filled in with is again, the entertainment, and I would say anecdotal information from friends. If one does get education from their family of origin, that is awesome. And if one does get information from an educational institution, that is awesome. And even those tend to focus on. prevention, prophylactic use and safety. And so there is not a huge endorsement of pleasure. And so educating ourselves as adults about pleasure can be an arduous task because Who do we trust, right? And how do we proceed and how do we know we're getting a reliable source? And also the layers of shame and guilt, because even though we may not have gotten that from religious institutions or other places, cultural institutions, we may have. Inferred that because of the lack of information out there. Because if it was something that was freely communicated, like nutrition, you eat vegetables because you wanna be healthy, you know a little bit about sleep, you get eight hours of sleep, and there's some fluency and comfort around the conversation about those tenants of health. But when it comes to sex, nobody's really talking about it. And so it's inferred, I would say, because of. The quietness that it's not okay to talk about. And so there's so many layers that we need to uncover and peel back in order to really be okay with. Experiencing pleasure in our bodies and that that is a tremendously powerful place to be. To know that it is great to claim your pleasure, that it is natural to claim your pleasure, that in many ways we're designed as humans to experience pleasure.
Magic Barclay:
I'm so glad you mentioned that. And pleasure listeners. Does not need to be something that you're ashamed of. Doesn't need to be something that you hide away. Pleasure comes in many forms, but the need to embrace it is key. You really do have to let the world know. What makes you happy because that will help you connect with other people who may have the same need, who may have the same ideals.
Tara Galeano:
Yeah, I love that, and I absolutely agree. Yes. So it is only through the expression of our desires that we can then find. Like-hearted or like-minded people, and that's important, so we don't feel lonely. Belonging is important. A community is important. A loving relationship, a loving family is great. Now,
Magic Barclay:
we've covered a lot in this episode and it might be a lot for the listeners to take in certainly if they haven't considered this. Topic before so people can find you@rediscoveringmybody.com. What can they find on your website?
Tara Galeano:
On my website, they'll find some coaching packages that I offer, so you could work with me individually or you can work with me as a couple, which I think is really critical. What I like about the container of the coaching packages is they are three and six months, so you can clearly identify your goals and then begin to work towards'em, which is a different model than therapy. I also host classes. Right now I'm hosting a class called Rediscover My Body, which is specifically for women based on my book, rediscovering My Body, and I also offer educational videos on my YouTube channel, which are on my website as well.
Magic Barclay:
Fantastic. Now, listeners, this was your episode 1 95. I hope you've gotten lots of great information from Tara and Tara. Thank you for joining us again.
Tara Galeano:
My pleasure, magic. Thank you for
Magic Barclay:
having me. Listeners, thank you so much for your time. Go forth and create. Your magical life.