Happiness Is An Inside Job with Karyn Seitz

Today I'm visiting with Karyn Seitz, teacher and thought leader in happiness and women's empowerment. When Karyn was younger, she found that she was always looking outside of herself for happiness - the job, the relationships, reiki, shamanic healing, yoga, you name it.

The key was when she realized that she was the problem in her life - and therefore she herself was the answer to it. Now, she works with women to help them discover that for themselves and let go of the web of stories that hold them back so they can take 100% responsibility for their own happiness.

Connect with Karyn at her website: karynseitz.com  and use her contact form to request access to her free masterclass.

Transcript

Magic Barclay: 1:00

Welcome back to a Magical Life. I'm your host, magic Barklay, and today I'm joined by Karen SATs. Now Karen is a former spiritual healer and realized that her clients were not getting better. She was frustrated that she could not deliver the results her clients wanted, even though she was trying lots of different healing modalities and coaching techniques. Karen knew that she also wasn't getting the changes she wanted in her life. She secretly lacked any confidence in her ability to change her adult life had stalled in a fresh new search for answers. Karen found the missing pieces that would ultimately transform her life and those of her clients. There is something very profound in. Owning that she's the problem in her life. This awareness pushed her to confront herself and get serious about herself and life. Karen is now fulfilled and teaches others the same journey she has taken to find herself and be happy. She calls herself the Happiness Mentor and teaches us in an online happiness course for women called Awakened Grace. Welcome.

Karyn Seitz: 2:16

Thank you so much for having me. Magic. It's wonderful to be

Magic Barclay: 2:19

here. It's so great to have you here. And I think as women, certainly as you know, our kids get a bit older and don't need us as much or. life changes are happening. We kind of do lose ourselves. And I've spoken about this on the podcast a few times. And so what did that feel like when you realized that you weren't getting the results that you wanted? Mm-hmm. And kind of how did you find where you are now?

Karyn Seitz: 2:47

To be honest, because I was doing so much magic to. Help other people heal and try to find the answers within themselves to life. And I couldn't do that for myself, even though I pretended I was doing that and fooled myself and fooled others as well. Really deep down, I felt like a fraud or an imposter that I was teaching all these things. Yet, I still felt very insecure in myself. I often say that I felt like a child trapped in an adult woman's body, and no idea how to really navigate life from being grounded in myself and knowing who I was. It was a very empty experience and one where, I was often questioning, is this gonna be my life? I'm, I'm doing all these things. I'm, a yoga teacher. I, was a reiki master. I taught meditation. I was a shamanic And it, I thought, I'm doing all these things. I'm doing all the things I thought I was supposed to do to have a connection myself, to be spiritual, to be emotionally grounded in myself, and yet I still feel like a mess in my own life. And is it ever going to get better or is this just going to be my life? Like, is this all there is? Not to mention the the pressure to keep up the facade. and the pressure to paint on a happy face and make it look like I had my life figured out. Make it look like I had me figured out when really I was grasping in my life.

Magic Barclay: 4:35

I think many of us feel that way, and we just don't feel brave enough to say, you know, Hey, something's not right here. So my head is off to you for doing that. Now I ask the same three questions of all of my guests, and everyone gives me such different answers that. You know, I just think it brings so much value to myself and to the listeners. Mm-hmm. So here comes your first one. What can your expertise do to accelerate health, not just physical, but also emotional and spiritual health?

Karyn Seitz: 5:10

The best place to start with this is actually, you had asked in, in your last question to me a little bit about my journey to get to where I was. And really just sharing from my own experience. So my expertise is in happiness and and emotional intelligence. And for me in my life, which I know many of us can relate to, I was constantly pursuing relationships, life experiences, whether that was graduating from college. Getting married, starting a business, trying to check all the boxes in life, in the pursuit of happiness, in the pursuit of having emotional, spiritual, and physical health, then never having it. And here's what I learned and, and here's what I teach my clients and, and the people that I get the privilege to work with, is that happiness is not about a feeling. It is not about the emotion of being happy. Happiness is about feeling good about who you are. Finding your value in yourself, finding your meaning and purpose in yourself. And so happiness becomes a state of being where we have a deep acceptance of ourselves and a deep acceptance of our lives where we just want to be who we are, and we just want the life that we have. And we often think, Once I get the emotional, the spiritual, the physical, the financial figured out, then I'll finally be happy and I'll be fulfilled and I will feel whole in my life and I will have meaning and purpose. But for me, in my journey, it's actually been the other way around that as I've learned to embrace life's challenges. To make conscious choices in my life, to put myself out into life, to grow and learn to the best version of myself, and embrace the ups and downs as the obstacles that I need to grow and learn to feel good about myself, to myself and find my meaning and purpose in me. That's where I feel in control of myself. I feel in control of my emotional state. I feel connected to myself, and that's where we find our connection to our spirituality. When I feel good about myself, that's reflected in my body. In my health and not feeling good about how I look. I think that's really important for our, for myself as a woman and other women listening, we often confuse feeling good about ourselves as feeling good about how we look and feeling good about ourselves is a much deeper experience than just feeling good about how we look. Feeling good about ourselves is feeling good about who we are because of the choices and decisions that we make in our lives to grow and learn that reflect our character and reflect the integrity of the kind of person that we wanna be in our lives. And in that we develop internal self value, which is then how we are happy and how we are in control of our emotional state. It's from that place that then we feel good about ourselves internally, and then that gets reflected in our physical health. We feel in control of our emotional state, and we feel a connection to who we are. And in my personal journey, not saying this is for everyone, but as I found a connection to myself, that's where I actually found a connection and a relationship with God. And felt connected to that, which I feel is, is bigger than who I am. So for me and my expertise, that all starts with happiness and learning how to develop high emotional intelligence where we are in control of our emotional state by accepting the reality of life and really using life as a way to grow and learn about ourselves.

Magic Barclay: 9:23

Thanks for that. And look, we talk about wealth here as well, and people think wealth is just the financial. Mm. But you've touched already on the personal and emotional wealth. How do you think they all tie in and what are your top three tips to creating wealth? Mm-hmm.

Karyn Seitz: 9:41

To me, there is no greater wealth than the experience we get to have of knowing who we are and being connected to ourselves. Learning how to be true to who we are in our lives and for me, and and, and others. That is a journey in itself through life. But if I don't have myself, I have nothing. Because everything in my life just becomes an empty experience of grasping at people and things outside of me to fill me up and give me that wealth, the physical, financial, emotional, but it's an empty experience because there's no foundation of me to actually experience in that. So when I have a connection with myself and you have a connection with yourself, then that allows you to make the choices and decisions in your life that are in alignment with who you are and what you want to experience in your life. Not society's standards, not what you think you should be doing, or what you're hearing from others you're supposed to be doing, but making choices based on the kind of life you want to create for yourself. And how you want to grow and learn in your life. And then that feeds each of those areas so that we are experiencing wealth. And that might not look like millions of dollars in the bank account, but it's perfect for you because you are embracing the life that you have and really growing and learning from it and getting the most of yourself out of your life. And then it. Catapult you in, in all those other areas of what you wanna create for yourself and what's important to you in your life. So my three tips to create the wealth of who you are so that you can create wealth in other areas that are important to you are really more perspectives and life-changing perspectives that you can take and apply to your life in the first perspective. That has been crucial for me in my own journey. And what I teach others is that I am the problem in my life, therefore I am the solution. So when we blame others and point the finger out, to our past, to our upbringing, to our parents, to the experiences or challenges or hardships that we've had in our lives. That's the reason we're stuck. That's the reason we're struggling. Then we give our power and control away to our external world, and we have no ability to change. It's only when we are willing, and this was a, a turning point for me to really start to change in my life and really start to create a life that felt true to me and allow me to feel fulfilled. and happy within myself as I had to see that I was the problem. And when I could see I was the problem, then I can make different choices, make different decisions, change my behaviors, and create different outcomes in my life. And then when the things that I thought were what caused me to be stuck or caused me to struggle, In my life, whether that was my upbringing or past relationships or men or my experiences in school, then those things all became gifts and things to learn from in my life rather than these things I thought were holding me back and keeping me from the life that I wanted. So when you are able to see yourself as the problem, you take back that power and control and you become the solution. The second perspective. I am in control of my emotional state and the experience of myself. So this is linked a little bit to the first one that when I think it's my outside world or my external world causing me, to feel emotionally unstable or emotionally all over the place, or not in control of the, of the different areas. You talk about the personal, financial, emotional wealth. And again, I give my power away. But what we can realize is that when we embrace life for what it is, we embrace the challenges, then we actually have the power to choose how we want to respond to life instead of constantly reacting or constantly hiding and playing small because we're scared of life or we're scared of. Of what's gonna happen to us and we can actually be in control of how we respond and there and be in control of our emotional state and be in control of the experience of who we are. We can't control life. We can't control the things that are gonna come and that are gonna happen, but we can't control how we wanna show up the choices and decisions we wanna make, the perspective we wanna take. And, and how we wanna respond. And, and that in itself is, it to me is, is huge wealth of who we are as humans and our capacity to be adaptable and be resilient. The third perspective is that I am a product of my choices, not a victim of my circumstances. So we have two different paths we can take in life. We can take the path of. Our environment and our circumstances have created the life that we have, have created the struggles and challenges that we have, which again, keeps us stuck and being a victim to life and a victim to our past, a victim to our circumstances, or we can choose to have another perspective that it's my choices and decisions that have led me to have the very life that I have. It doesn't mean that I've chosen all the, the life experiences that have happened out of my control, but I've made choices in how I've responded to them, and I've made choices to be in the relationships I'm in, to have the career that I have, to have the different experiences that I have. And then that puts us in control. So that's the third. I'm a product of my choices, not a victim of my circumstances. Some

Magic Barclay: 16:06

great answers there. And look, we do talk about weight loss here. Many people, mm-hmm. Battle their weight. Have you ever battled yours and in your journey, what was the, I guess, the impetus to winning the battle?

Karyn Seitz: 16:22

Of course. yes, I, have always struggled with weight and my weight issues have been, and being overweight and always, struggling, with food and emotionally eating. And I often will say, you know, I know since I was five that I really struggled with my weight when I started going to school. And I realized that I was. Bigger, not only weight-wise, but also um, height-wise. I was taller than everyone until, until I was about 13 and I also had extra weight on. And before that, even though I'll joke that I've struggled with weight my whole life because I was. 11 pounds when I was born. And I often say, bless my mom, um, because she did not have a c-section. and I, I don't know how she did that. So I always give her lots of extra love when I see her. but I've struggled with weight my whole life, and I think especially as women, we've all struggled with weight, whether it's being underweight or overweight or constantly feeling pressured. By the standards of society and what we're told is the ideal weight of what we're supposed to look like. so we really, it's a common issue that we all have, and my weight has been an incredible teacher to help me get to know who I am. So in the vein of the perspectives, that I gave in the previous question, I really had to see that I was the problem with my weight. And for most of my life, I blamed my genetics. I grew up in a cleaner plate household, so I blamed that. I come from Hardy stock blamed my family. and the ideals I learned growing up or that, um, healthy eating wasn't really. Taught, um, my parents were always on diets, so I had a lot of um, a lot of story built up around why I struggled with my weight, even as an adult. And that was keeping me very stuck'cause there was no solution in that. So I was very fortunate. Um, and everything I'm sharing today, um, Has been what I've learned through my own experience, but with the help of my mentor and my mentor really helped me to look within, not in a way to beat myself up, but to really understand myself that my weight and, and I see it, and I know this as my experience now, that my weight was unconsciously something I was doing to myself and putting weight on to. Perpetuate not feeling good about myself so that I could hide from life. And what I realized is that my weight was my excuse to get out of just about anything in my life. And it was a huge way for me to hide and protect myself, have like a physical barrier of protection because I was so scared of life. And so now I understand that it's really when I learn how to feel good about myself on the inside and have structure, around food and parent myself within that structure to feel good about myself, that I naturally am at the weight that is healthy for me and feels good for me. My trigger to really take this path and learn this for myself was my marriage and that. I saw how much, like I said, I put weight on to really get out of just about anything in my life and, and hide. And one of the areas that I got to hide from and having weight on was in my marriage. I pushed away, my husband and I pushed away sex, and I got to a place where the pain of being there and being so shut down, being married to a wonderful man, having previously enjoyed sex. Then put up these huge walls after getting married and no longer wanted to be vulnerable and really just push that away. And it was very, a very, very painful place to be because I couldn't understand what had happened. It was like a light switch went off on me. And the more I shut down to sex, the more I shut down to my husband, the more weight that I put on. And I really didn't feel good about myself. I didn't wanna be there anymore and I knew it was time to really get honest with self and, and take a flashlight out and look at this area. And now I feel very to be at a place where I. I can accept myself and who I am in my body, to know that I am never going to be in my frame and my, body type, I'm never gonna be the women I see in the magazines and be skinny. but I'm at a weight that is comfortable. I. For me, and that I can accept myself and that I know is healthy for me, and I want other women to know that, that that is possible. And it, it really starts with working with who you are on the inside and feeling good about yourself on the inside. Well

Magic Barclay: 21:40

said. Now, Karen, let's talk about. Being a happiness coach. Mm-hmm. What do you think people need to hear and is there something that they can take away from this episode today to get started on finding true happiness?

Karyn Seitz: 21:58

Well, the one thing we all continue to search for as humans is happiness, and the problem is in our pursuit of happiness. Is that we are constantly looking for it in all the wrong places. Like I said earlier, we look to check all the boxes of what we think we need to accomplish in our life that will bring us happiness. So again, those examples, you know, can be getting a degree, getting married. Having children, getting a career and getting the promotions and the recognition and the awards. Could be buying a home, taking vacations, having work life freedom where you. You know, work from home or, uh, you know, what's really popular here in the, in the US and I'm sure other parts of the world too, is living from the road and working from the road and, and traveling through and around at an RV or a van. And we think that those types of things are gonna make us happy, and we're constantly looking for what we think is missing that is gonna complete us and complete our lives and bring us happiness. It's a trap that our human pursuit of happiness and how we go about it, especially, I believe that we all know and have heard a million times that no one and no thing can make you happy. Yet we all fall in the trap of looking to people and things outside of us. To make us happy, and it's so ingrained and so universal that we can't see it, and we don't realize that everything that we are going after in our lives is in this pursuit of happiness, of feeling fulfilled, feeling that our lives have meaning and purpose, but never getting there, and then constantly looking for the next thing. So our pursuit of happiness. Is actually our unhappiness. And how I define being unhappy is always wanting what you don't have. Always wanting what you don't have. Always thinking this is missing. When this happens, then I'll be happy when this, this, and this get together and all is good, then I'll have everything I need and I'll be happy. And I want the listeners to know that that's a trap and that there's another way. And that's why I redefine happiness as not a feeling, not joy, not pleasure, not an emotion. But learning how to make choices and decisions for yourself and your life to grow and learn about who you are so that you are building internal self value, and that your meaning and purpose comes from you instead of the people and things in your life. And that being happy is where you only wanna be You. And you only want the life that you have. And from that place, you can pick experiences. You can pick things that you want in your life, but not from a place of thinking that that's going to fulfill you. That's going to give you meaning and purpose, but from a place of I want this experience to get to know more of me. Inevitably, people will say, well, gosh, Karen, that sounds really selfish, but that's not the perspective I'm coming from. When we are pulling from our relationships to fill us up and give us our meaning and purpose, that's where we actually become selfish because we need people to be something, for us to feel okay and to provide us that meaning and purpose. We are lacking in ourselves. When we can our own meaning and purpose and become our own value, then we can actually appreciate the people in our lives, accept them for who they are, have unconditional love because we no longer need them to fill us. that's what happiness is all about. Thanks

Magic Barclay: 26:13

for explaining it like that. I think, you know, many of us chase happiness, but like I said, we are looking in the wrong spots, so I really do love your explanation. Now, Karen, we love freebies here. Mm-hmm. What can you offer the listeners as a freebie, and where can they find that? Of

Karyn Seitz: 26:30

course. So I have a Definitive Guide to Happiness that is a, a free masterclass. To go in depth to some of the things that I talked about on this episode and to really have a clear cut path and roadmap of how to make those choices and decisions in your life to be able to grow and learn to connect with yourself and really find your meaning and purpose in you and become. Your own value begin to develop internal self value. And if any of the listeners would like that, then you can email me and I will send that to you. I'm in the process of, of getting a place that you can go and sign up for that, but it's not quite, uh, ready yet. But if you send me an email and I'm sure Magic can put that in the show notes, then I will send you a definitive guide to happiness that is based and centered around everything we got to talk about in this episode.

Magic Barclay: 27:36

Great. Now, listeners, you can find Karen at her website, which is www.karensites.com. That's K A R Y N SS E I T z.com, and there you'll be able to contact Karen for that wonderful freebie. Karen, thank you so much for joining us. I've really enjoyed this episode and really looking at happiness from. Within. I think that's just such a game changer for all of us.

Karyn Seitz: 28:08

Well, thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to, to share and talk about happiness from this perspective. And thank you for all that you're doing and, and sharing with others different perspectives on how to really feel good and emotionally, spiritually, and, and personally connected in their lives.

Magic Barclay: 28:30

Thank you, and listeners, thank you so much for your time Coming up in our next episode, Gretchen Shanks is talking to us and she's actually a sex and dating coach, so she's going to be talking about intimacy and body image and dating and a whole lot of other stuff. So one to look forward to. Again, thank you for your time. Go forth and create your magical life.