Raising Girls to be Leaders and Live With Purpose with Tiffiny Roper

Today I have a great conversation with Tiffiny Roper, family coach for moms of girls. Tiffiny grew up without a strong mom figure and, like many of her generation, grew up with the attitude that she didn't need a man and that she could do everything on her own. 

While the intention of that teaching is supposed to be empowering, what has happened is that an entire generation of women wears a mask and suppresses their own feminine energy. The problem with that is that we push ourselves so hard all the time, leaving no energy to take care of ourselves. Our daughters see this, and learn this, and in order to do better by them, we need to model doing better for ourselves first.

Connect with Tiffiny on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100005339388134

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Transcript

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Welcome back to a Magical Life. I'm your host, magic Barclay, and today Tiffany Roper joins us now. Tiffany is a mom before she's anything else. She's blessed to have two amazing young daughters who motivate her to be the best she can be every day. She loves learning brewing herself. Serving others and growth. Tiffany loves to spend time with her girls and create amazing memories with them. She's been a project manager for 20 years in the corporate world before realizing that's not what makes her feel fulfilled, and it's not her purpose. It has given her a great background in helping others stay accountable to hit goals in a timely manner. Tiffany is now a coach of moms of young girls who wanna hit goals and live a life on purpose so they can be the best role models for the young daughters and create leaders of tomorrow that we desperately need. Welcome Tiffany. Hi, magic. Thanks so much and it's such an honor to be on your show. I. I'm just excited to, uh, be here and have a great conversation with you. So thanks so much for the, it's my pleasure. Now I have sons, so it's a bit of a different world, but when you have daughters, I guess there's a lot more. On you as a mom to make sure that they're not only able to cope in this rather male led world, but also to excel and follow their passions. What's kind of the biggest learning curve that you've hit being a mom of girls? Oh my God, that is such a great question. So I. Came from a very strong dad and a mom that unfortunately wasn't very involved in or raising, even though my parents were married, um, through my high school. And what I found, and I thought it was just me, is me and my two older sisters were all raised to have that, you know, take charge, go after everything. you don't need a man and don't depend on one. you know, and it's helped in certain ways, um, especially in the corporate world. And as you've said, it's very male dominated, especially in, corporate, it very male dominated still. And it helped a lot, but it also made me almost go on the error of, too masculine, if you will, and losing a bit of my. Feminine energy because in the corporate world, you're not allowed to show emotion. You're not allowed to, um, really go with creativity and intuition and that kind of stuff. It's, you know, go, go, go and get to a timeline and get this done and this needed done yesterday. And you know, and it's almost like you had to take on a persona or wear a mask and I thought it was just me and how I was raised, but I soon found in different personal development and stuff that I've done that it's really a generation of women. Have been raised to, you know, really depend on ourselves and not depend on men. And I think it's really affected the family unit. And so when I'm raising my girls, I want them to be strong leaders. I don't wanna create another generation of me too, if you will. And my daughters, you know, afraid to speak up. And in that I also want them to not be afraid to. Fully be who They are. And that includes, you know, we all have masculine and feminine energy, but that includes to make sure that you're using your intuition, your creativity, your allowed emotion, that kinda stuff that I feel like in this generation that I was raised in maybe, it wasn't something that we were kind of given permission to do. And I think that's been one of my biggest learning curves is how do I create leaders in my daughters? Without having them see femininity or being a woman as, something bad or something you're not allowed to do and to truly embrace their full selves. That's great. Now, I asked my guests the same three questions and I really can't wait for your answers for these. So here comes your first one. What can your expertise do to accelerate health? Not just physical health, but emotional and spiritual health? So I really think, and especially because you know, as moms, we are absolutely the biggest role models for our daughters. I really think it stems down to. We have this like to-do list, right? And it never ends. And you think as a mom, you'll just get seven more things done and then if you get all this done tonight, it'll make tomorrow easier. And somehow that next day's list becomes just as long, if not longer, and there is no end. And so after years of really lying to myself and saying, well, if I just get through their teething, if I just get through this sickness, if I just get through this project at work, Then everything will be okay and I'll have time to rest. I'll have time for myself. And I quickly found I was just lying to myself. So I really think the health and us having a healthy mindset and of then being able to be these role models for our daughters that they need is just start with ourselves. I think when we get, you know, we're exhausted from the day, then we have to come up with this whole other level of energy when we come home and start all over with our kids and helping with homework or getting dinner ready or getting'em ready for bed or getting time with them. And we just fall down at the end of the day exhausted. And we forgot that we're still a person, a woman, a wife before we were a mom. And so we don't have the energy to do anything for ourselves. We think, oh, I snapped at my kid today, so tomorrow I'm just gonna love'em harder. That'll make up for it. I'm gonna love'em harder. And it's not your children. You need to love harder if you want them to love themselves and take care of themselves. You have to love yourself and take care of yourself, because if you only show taking care of others, which is a great aspect of femininity and being a mom, the nurturing side. But then you only make them great moms, which is awesome, but you don't show them how to take care of themselves first. And I think that's the big piece we miss as moms. We can't go into the do as I say, not as I do, because it doesn't work. We have to walk the walk and be in alignment and start with ourselves. Very much so. Now, look, we talk about wealth here, and I think many people think that's just financial, but it can also be emotional and personal wealth. So what are your top three tips to creating wealth? Absolutely. Yeah. I think it starts with yourself and it starts with mindset. It starts with what you think about money. If you grew up in a mindset of scarcity, I grew up very poor and it took me a really long time to go, oh, I don't have to hold on to every little penny, but if I actually opened my hand and let money go, it will also allow money to flow in instead of desperately holding on so tight to it. And so that's one thing is just making sure you have more of a, a mindset of abundance versus scarcity. I. Then I think another way is to have that, that confidence in ourselves, that we add value, whether it's, you know, in a corporate world, whether you're a stay-at-home mom, whether you're have your own business, whatever it is, don't undersell the value that you give. And we often don't have that confidence or feel like we're truly worth it. And so we're often undervaluing and discounting. What we really should be charging, whether that's negotiating at the, in the corporate world or self-care we give ourselves, or what we charge for a course or whatever that we actually do, or a product we sell. And we really need to understand the value that we give to the marketplace and then charge as such. And so I think that again, comes back to worth and, um, and your mindset. And then overall it's, it's, you will never. Make more than what you deem yourself worth making. And so just make sure that you're in alignment with that as well. So I, I think we just have to kind of see it holistically. While it's great to understand investing and savings and all this kind of stuff, um, it's really, again, starts with. Having the self-confidence, valuing yourself correctly, and having a mindset of abundance instead of scarcity. And so we know really when you give and you nurture, you get so much more back than what you ever give in that serving. And what we're so great to, you know, doing as moms. So we really just need to have the right mindset in doing that. And so we invite that wealth in and we're charging correctly. As we're doing it, and I think it really just sets you up for a very different way of doing things. When you change your mindset when it comes to money. I love that answer. That's great. Now listen, we do talk about weight here as well, and as women, we're often plagued by our own weight issues. Certainly as moms, our bodies change. So have you ever battled your weight? If so, what was the trigger to losing it and what can you offer their listeners in their weight journey? And also to reduce stress, which we know is a key factor. You hit exactly on it. I love that because we catch ourselves in this world where, of course, we're always comparing ourselves with everybody else, and it's generally in a negative aspect. Well, I'm not as good as that person. I'm not worth as much as that person. I'm not as pretty as that person. I'm not as skinny as that person, whatever it is. And of course, anytime you're comparing yourself, you're stealing joy from yourself. And so it's just really important to, and do this as well with your daughters. I saw a statistic just the other day where they said eight year olds are now on diets, and I've been really big about raising my girls to understand that your body will change throughout your life, whether it's through puberty, whether it's, you know, as you get older and you have kids of your own, whether it's whatever, it's, your body's going to change and fluctuate and to honor that change. So you of course still need to take care of yourself and put your health first in order to be there for everybody that you love and wanna take care of. And you know, we all struggle with that, and I have my own struggles with it. I'm definitely not perfect. Um, but just be very careful on valuing yourself solely on your pants size. And I think we do that too much. And then we compare ourselves way too much. Then we need to make sure that we're being very careful with what we say about our body to ourselves. We think, as we're saying, it may be in the mirror and you have little ears running by because then they start thinking of it that way. Oh, are my thighs too big? Is my booty too big? Or whatever it is. So I've also been very careful about not making those comments ever out loud, no matter what I might be thinking inside at the time, and just honoring. The female body and knowing we all are gonna fluctuate and you have so much value to give that has absolutely nothing to do with your looks, with your weight, with your pants size. But still in that aspect you are worthy and you have so much value that you do need to take care of yourself and do that if nothing else, if you don't wanna do it for yourself, which we really should then do it so you're around longer for your kids and so you can. Still be that role model for them as long as you can possibly be some great distinctions there. Now we love freebies here. Tiffany, what can you offer the listeners and where can they find it? So I have a, a course, but I set up a ebook that I have, and so I would love to be able to give anybody who is interested it. Helping moms get on their own to-do list. So it's a top 10 tips for that. And so we start really understanding the value of taking care of ourselves and why we need to, in order to be the role models we need to be for our daughters. And so, um, I'm gonna be getting a website and all this kind of stuff up, but in the meantime, uh, feel free to email me at Girl Mom Family coaching@gmail.com and I will definitely get that to your listeners. So I'm very excited to be able to offer that. And there's some really great tips and things that I've found over years of, um, you know, just research and learning and um, and, uh, personal development, that kinda stuff that I would love to share with listeners. Terrific. And we'll recap that at the end of this episode as well. Now, Tiffany, as I said, I'm a mom of boys and, you know, life can just kind of roll on, but. Having been raised by a mother that perhaps didn't see my worth as a female, what can you suggest to moms that have made mistakes and how do they stop those mistakes becoming intergenerational? That's so smart and such a great question, and it's one of the biggest things I want to change. Obviously we need to forgive. We have to forgive others. We have to forgive our own moms for the mistakes they've made. I've had a rocky relationship at times with my mom, but I've also understood that she could only give what she knew and what she had, and so she did the best she could with the skills that she had, and that's why I, I didn't wanna be this resentful, frustrated person. I wanted to be someone that could forgive and show that people. Are, um, you know, they're valuable enough in your lives to not cut out, to actually forgive them for it. And it's also taught me to step on her shoulders and step on my dad's shoulders, who kind of had to be the dad and mom and say, this is what I learned from them. And instead of repeating those mistakes and starting where they started, I'm gonna stand on their shoulders and start from there. And I think too often because it's easy, because we're exhausted. Because it's a lot harder being a good mom than we really ever thought when we started out. And it's habitual. We kind of do what we know and we're like, I'll never say that to my kid. And then all of a sudden you're saying that to your kid. And so one, forgive your mom and forgive yourself because you cannot give from what you don't already know. And if you can't forgive yourself, it's really hard to truly forgive others. So forgive yourself for the mistakes you've made. We'll make'em every day. Anybody who's trying hard is going to make mistakes. It's easy to not make mistakes. If you sit on the sideline and don't do anything with your kids and don't make any decisions and you know, be that type of mom, you're not gonna make mistakes. Well, great, but you know what? I'd rather be in the game and I'd rather make the mistakes and I'd rather learn from'em, and I'd rather apologize and show how I will do better, because it also shows our kids how they can do the same. I. So I think it's really huge in forgiving, you know, a mom that's maybe not great in the pa in your history. And then forgiving yourself and then learning and being determined that you are going to step on their shoulders and do better instead of repeating those mistakes. And so we can stop the generational, um, pandemic that we really have in just repeating a horrendous cycle. And again, it's not from an intention. It's not from meaning to, I think it's just we have. So much on our plates now as moms. We're not the moms from the fifties that just took care of the household and the kids. And it's not saying that that's a not a huge job because it is. That was a lot. But now a lot of our mom, these moms these days are also, you know, making the bacon, bringing home the bread, whatever you wanna call it. We're earning as well as having to do all the rest of it. And it's a lot. And so that's why it's just so key to forgive yourself. Do better the next day. Start with loving you. I promise you, you're never gonna be able to teach your kids to love themselves and take care of themselves if you don't show it first, and you're never gonna be able to love'em as hard as you want to if you don't love yourself first, because it all starts with you. It does definitely. Now look, this is going to probably come out controversial and I'm sorry, podcast Gods if I'm going there, but I'm not sorry as well. There's men and there's women, and women we're built very differently physically, emotionally, mentally. How do we nurture girls to be happy to be girls? Because there's this, you know, you mentioned the word pandemic and we're not gonna talk about pathogens in this episode, but right there is a pandemic of this gender confusion, and I think we're losing the essence of what it really means to be female. I know, you know, Matt Walsh did his documentary on what is a woman, and so many people couldn't even answer that. Basic question of, it's a chromosomal thing. We're born as a woman, so how do you help girls in this really gender confused world mm-hmm. To know the worth to value being female and, you know, to make that work another, yeah. Very insightful and great question. And I, I, I think again, it. It's giving ourselves permission to do it first, and it's not even for me, it's not even a sex thing. We all have masculine and feminine. It doesn't matter what your, your sex is, it doesn't matter if you're gay or, or whatever. We all have masculine, feminine, and we feel more masculine or more feminine. That's just our essence, our energy, and it's really about not denying it. I think we've, again, it's this generation of. You go through the, the bra burning femininity, and I'm not taking away from what that gave us because we're able to kinda stand on those shoulders. But I think because of it, it's, it's was almost looked at like a man hating and it's absolutely not what I feel. Um, I love the masculine and that masculine energy, especially in a family unit is very necessary. And, um, I really think, and you know, even if it's not in a traditional household, you know what I'm saying, where it's like, you know, man, woman and kids or whatever, you still have that masculine energy generally. And so, and if you don't, you know, you can have others around you and uncle whatever around you. So I'm not taking away from that masculine energy. I feel like they have, uh, such a, a want and a need to serve. And I think. Because we were taught as a generation of women to not depend on a man because that's so negative that men have almost felt marginalized. They were used to being able to at least say, okay, my value is bringing home the money. Okay, now you can do that. So what's my value here? And we're so used to saying, well, if you're not gonna step up and figure it out, I guess I've gotta do it. So I'm gonna step up into my masculine. And then often you have a masculine energy and a masculine energy going at each other, and it's causing a lot of fights. A lot of division in families and a lot of families divorcing and splitting up. And so I, I think it's really women, you know, we need to feel safe and feel like a man is going to lead if he wants to lead in that masculine energy and serve really, and a man needs to be able to be vulnerable as well and have that, you know, a bit of that femininity side if you will. And interacting with us as well. But it starts with us. You can't control others, right? So I always try to think of how does it start with me? And that means I have to step outta my masculine role more. I have to trust more and let someone else lead. Sometimes I have to ask for se help and be willing to ask for help, even if it's not gonna be done perfect, if the dishes weren't done, how I wanted, if the meal wasn't made, how I wanted, if the clothes weren't folded, how I wanted, it's okay. They're at least trying to serve, and we have to allow that instead of just saying, oh, well it's not done my way, so I'll just do it, and then shooing them aside. So it's being vulnerable and it's coming with a, a sincere curiosity and, and, and helping them see where they can serve and where they have value as well. And also it's really big about honoring our feminine cycle. I was raised unfortunately, I was made fun of anytime I had my period, and so to me it was, I was, until in my early thirties, before I was comfortable going and getting feminine products in the feminine aisle at the store, and so I wanted to make sure for my girls, they honored that. It's like, yes, you have this, and it's amazing the cycle that you have that allows you to have kids if you choose. That's amazing and let's honor that. And your body could change when you have kids and maybe never go back to what it was before. But wow, you just made a human. How amazing is that? And we need to be able to honor our own femininity and be able to sit in it and be comfortable in it, instead of always wearing the masculine mask that we put on for our own safety, um, for our own, you know, trying to step up on the corporate ladder and we feel like it's needed there. I. So again, it starts with us and what we can do, and then making sure that we're honoring it when in everybody around us. And so the word wife isn't a four letter word, and femininity is something that you can honor instead of being, oh, it's man hating. And it's about, you know, broad burning. There's so much more to that. And if we step into our whole being as the part masculine, a lot of feminine in, you know, a lot of women, As moms, we are only going to honor that, and I think it's coming back in style, and if it isn't, I'm going to help shove it back in style. If I have to, I'll use my masculine shoving energy instead of my flow energy to do that because it's so needed. We have, that's why I'm, I'm on the mission of really creating these female leaders we need tomorrow. Because again, nothing is the masculine, but they've kind of had a long time to, you know, rule the world. And we are where we are. And I think if we have, uh, the feminine energy have permission to be a feminine energy and, you know, be the leaders that we can be for this world, it's just amazing what it can become. And I know it's been, you know, heading that way and I think it's really the time to, to kind of take over, if you will, and, uh, be our full selves. Very well said. And you know, I'm one of these women that have been single for quite a while now and I've learnt to do some of those masculine things and it doesn't mean that'cause I'm capable of putting some shelves together or you know, building a garden bed or. Changing the oil in my car or whatever, it doesn't mean that I need to do that. Mm-hmm. So, certainly, you know, when a masculine energy comes into the home, it's like, okay, you've got this. I think we really do have to let our men be men. And as I said, mom of boys, I let them figure it out. I'm not gonna teach them how to use the drill. I can, but I'm not going to. They can figure it out and have that sense of achievement. And you mentioned the folding the clothes for so many years. As a mom, I would show them how to do it and they'd get it wrong and I'd go, look, just get outta the way. It's quicker if I do it myself, but we really do need to let. Our boys now men figure stuff out. They need to learn how things work and they need to have that success. So there's a fine balance there of, you know, women becoming leaders, but also let the men be men. Absolutely. And they do things differently and that's okay. Um, men are really good at focusing on one thing at a time until they finish it. Women are more used to multitasking and I used to think, well, I can do it. Why isn't my husband multitasking? Well, that's just not more masculine energy. And so we, we have to just know that, you know, men aren't hairy. Women we're different. And that's what makes it so great because together we're unstoppable. Just like if you can be your full masculine, but really feminine energy as a woman, you're unstoppable because you're not shaming or shying away from your essence if your essence is more feminine. And so it's really giving people permission to to be everything that they are, and then allow the family unit to be everything that it is, and to value the fact that. I don't want you to be a, you know, a hairy woman. I want you to be every perfect essence that you have in masculinity. Wow. I am loving this conversation. I think it's something that really needs to be said. So the differences between men and women, how do you teach your girls to really see that and allow that? I think again, it starts with us. I role model it. so I, honor what I am on the feminine side and, you know, I do have a habit and I've, I've had to work against it honestly, because I've had such a habit with how I was raised and that, you know, don't depend on a man attitude and I know why my dad did it and the intention he had behind it. Because he didn't want us to ever have to marry to get someone to buy a sandwich. He wanted us to marry for love, so I know he had great intention behind it. But we have, like I said, a generation of women unfortunately, that have kind of shunned men aside. And in a lot of ways it's because we haven't felt safety and security and like they've got it because they've not known their place. And it kind of comes from the chicken and the egg thing. I don't know what started it. At the point we're at now, it's this cycle and it doesn't really matter who started it. You can't control whichever other person you know is in that relationship. So start with you and control you and honor everything that is feminine, you know, but also honor and allow everything that is masculine. And so they're allowed to have that. And we have men that are, you know, that were boys that were told, you know, boys don't cry, boys don't have emotions. They have a essence of femininity as well. And yes, they should cry and have emotions, so I'm very careful as well in language. you know, I've had grandparents of my girls that have said, stop crying, stop being so upset. Stop crying. And I'm like, don't tell my girls to stop crying. They're allowed the emotion, so don't tell them they can't have the emotion. It might not be convenient for you right now. You might not be able to handle it, but they need to have the emotion and it's okay to have the emotion. And I've had people say, well, you, you know, your kids, they're always, uh, talking or something. And I'm like, absolutely. And they'll stand up for themselves. And sometimes that doesn't work with, some, you know, people of power, whether it's a teacher or whatever. And I ended up finding out the story and it was something to do with, you know, one of my daughters standing up for themselves and saying, well, They said I should have respect for them, but they wouldn't even let me talk. And so it was hard to have respect for someone that wasn't earning respect. So I teach'em a better way to maybe handle it and do it, and, you know, the, the place that that person is trying to be because they're your teacher or whatever. But at the end of the day, it's, again, it's about we do, we are in alignment. We do it first and we role model that. And so our girls can do it, but I'm not gonna apologize for my girls standing up for themselves and being leaders and being. Powerful in all their femininity as well as the portion that they have that's masculine. Just like I don't think that boys should, you know, be told that they're not allowed to have emotion or cry or any of the feelings that they, you know, wanna have. And so again, it goes back to we start with ourselves, but we allow each other to be everything that we're supposed to be. You know, what God or the universe, or whatever you wanna call it, made us to be, you know, in their infinite wisdom. So, I mean, I think that's where it starts. And then just honoring, honoring it. There's, you know, there's cycles that you go through and, you know, just different things. And I, I think it should be honored in the, in the feminine way and what I wanna do with my girls by still, you know, helping them be, you know, leaders of tomorrow as well. Definitely. Now, is there something we haven't touched on that maybe you feel we need to. I, I think a lot of it we touched on a lot and you've had such really great and insightful points and questions. Um, but I, I think it, it still, I wanna just reiterate, you know, because moms, again, we, we look at it like, oh, you know, you want me to self-care, you want me to, whatever. Well, that's just one more thing on my to-do list. And you know, that's one of the things that I, I do well because of the experience I've had in project management and I have 8,000 balls in, in the air at a time. I, I show people that there is a better way, and it's about really understanding what you really value and what those values are really gonna get you in life. And then seeing if you need to reassess those values and then live your life according to those values that are gonna get you where you wanna get long-term. And then finding out the scheduling tricks and stuff around it. But if you don't wanna do it for yourself because you're like, it's just one more thing I've gotta add to my to-do list. I get it. It's exhausting. Do it for your kids because you cannot give what you don't have. If you don't have the energy, if you haven't filled up your own cup, then you're not gonna be able to give it to your kids. And if you don't role model the self-care and self-love and self worthiness, then you're never gonna allow them to really fully be everything you want them to be because they have their own self value, self love, and self worthiness. So if you don't wanna do it for yourself right now, do it for your kids. They grow up so fast and that's why I wanna start with moms of young girls.'cause the sooner we get in there, the better. And you're a mom of boys and I'm not trying to exclude boys at all because they are huge in making all of this work and supporting females in being feminine and being truly in their essence. And so it's, it's absolutely, we have to have this comradery and men and women work together and really honor each other and not tear down or blame or judge the other for, for being masculine or for being feminine and realizing together we're a hundred percent or 200%, or what do you, whatever you wanna call it. we're a perfect team together by fully being ourselves and just start. Start with you and it will get to your kids. Do it for them if you're not gonna do it for you. Wow. What a great message. Thank you so much for giving us your time today. Thank you. Magic. It's been awesome. It's been magical and what an amazing, I would love to hear some time about this story of your. Name, how amazing is that? Thank you. but thank you so much and you've had such really great inquisitive questions and I really appreciate that and the time and, and being able to speak to your listeners, so I appreciate it so much. Thank you. Now people can find you on Facebook. You have a group and it is called Girl Mum Family Coaching, and that's mum with an O American mum. Yes, true girl Mum. Family coaching on Facebook. It is a group. Definitely. Get in touch with Tiffany and you know, this is just such an important topic and I'm so glad that we could make our worlds align to have this episode together. Absolutely. Yeah. Thank you so much. And I, I want moms to remember, you know, you are the light. You know, they say happy wife, happy life, but really you're the beacon of light for your family. And if you have joy and if you shine as bright as you absolutely can. You not only show others the way you inspire them, and you give them permission to also shine as bright as they possibly can. And I refuse to dimm the light. And I don't want my girls to dimm the light. I don't want anybody to dimm their own light. So instead make them wear shades because you shine so bright. And as moms, it really starts with us. So if you want joy in your family, you have to have joy yourself and show'em how it's done. So I just, I'm excited about having moms out there really coming into their own and being fulfilled and shining as bright as possible. Definitely. And something I tell my boys is I'm the lighthouse. I'm not going to create the path in the ocean, but I will direct some light to show you a possibility or a range of possibilities. Absolutely. Wow. I have loved this episode. Thank you so much. Now, listeners, I do urge you jump onto Apple Reviews, Spotify, wherever you are listening to us, give us a review. We really do love to hear from you as well. So contact us on Facebook at a Magical Life podcast. And for now, listeners, thank you for your time. Go forth and create your magical life.